Reviews of: Overcoming Low Self-esteem: Self-help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques

by Melanie Fennell

Overcoming Low Self-esteem: Self-help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques Melanie Fennell

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The first thing that is attractive about this book is the total lack of "technicalese"; this, coupled with its logical construction makes it not only interesting but also easily accessible to the lay reader.

To begin with, a guest author explains the history, meaning and relevance of cognitive therapy. This is followed by Melanie Fennell focusing on "Low Self Esteem" as an introduction to the main body of the book. The reader is then asked to participate in a self-assessment exercise. Having proven to have low self esteem, the reader is shown not only the impact self-esteem can have on their lives, but also many of the resultant issues--physical, emotional and social.

"Having cleared the ground", the author proceeds to explain the importance of and means to identifying triggers to bouts of low self-esteem. This can be as a long-established predilection or as the result of learned behaviour. Once this is achieved, Fennell goes on to advise ploys to overcome these triggers.

There follows a reinforcement to overcoming the triggers by the use of a Daily Action Diary (DAD), where the reader plans their daily routine. Once these "tasks" have been accomplished, they can be ticked off, proving not only self worth by achievement but also acting as a self-distracter.

The book concludes by offering suggestions for "Putting Life Together" and "Planning for the Future". This is done by the use of simple graticules as an easy way of spotting self- critical thoughts and a "Precaution Record Sheet"

This is a very useful book that achieves its stated aims of explaining the nature of low self esteem and self- destructive thinking, providing a complete self-help programme and monitoring sheets and basing its advice on clinically proven techniques of cognitive therapy. -- Peter Kidd, trained Community Psychiatric Nurse

Reviews


Best book I've ever bought!

I bought this book at the aiport whilst making a business trip that I was absolutely dreading, essentially because my self-esteem was so low. This book did change my life, or rather it enabled me to change my life for myself. It is essentially about taking control of your own life and your own thoughts and feelings, and facing situations you have previously avoided.

It is incredibly well-written, and though it is clearly structured and designed to be worked through one chapter at a time, you can still open it at any page and discover some excellent advice. What I love about the book is the friendly, comforting tone in which it is written. The author is full of compassion, and this is important as you learn to have compassion for yourself (instead of putting yourself down), to understand why you may have developed certain unhelpful thought patterns, and to begin to undo all this.

Though it is a cliche, I can honestly say this book changed my life. I wore my copy out and bought a second one. I love books, and have hundreds, but if I had to get rid of them all and keep only one, it would have to be this one.
2008-12-12

The theory is sound, but the practice is more challenging

As with most self-help books the theory is very convincing, but it's altogether another thing putting what has been learnt into practice. I must admit that I had problems completing all the exercises -- ANY of the exercises, actually -- because part of my low self-esteem lies with my writing! It may seem trivial to anybody reading this review, but I have a pathological shame and disgust with my handwriting. It has affected my education and employment, so I can assure you that it is anything but trivial to me. That's my excuse, anyway.

But, like many other readers of this guide, I suspect, I convinced myself that I didn't need to do any of the exercises because I 'got' the lesson that they were intended to illustrate. I also felt that many of the worked examples and case histories that were used as examples perfectly described me, so I just read them rather than writing out my own. So in that sense I am probably just a bit of a slacker. (I only read this book because it was recommended to me.) The downside to all this slacking is that as the book progresses the reader is constantly referred back and reminded that "you already know how to do this" because the author assumes the exercises have been completed. I felt bad about myself.

However, there are some genuinely profound insights that I found tucked away in this book's pages. I found some little nuggets that really spoke to me, little throwaway lines that could easily have been overlooked. One such example is under the heading "Checking out anxious predictions" (p. 79). It reminds us that our goal is simply to "enjoy our experiences". I thought that phrase is so subtle, so glib even, yet so naïve, true and endearing. It condenses life down into its most simple form. Good or bad, there's something to be gained out of everything that happens to us, every situation we find ourselves in.

Another aspect of this book that has deeply affected me and stuck in my mind was this piece of advice, posed as a question (p. 99): how would you treat a friend or relative who was suffering from low self-esteem? Would you be as hard on them as you are on yourself? Would you agree with them? The answer is: of course not! I thought that this simple thought experiment -- if indeed that is the right word? -- provides a genuine and much-needed change of perspective on the situation that someone suffering from low self-esteem finds him- or herself in. I've seen this example used in other books, too.

On the other hand there are some bizarre pieces of encouragement offered in this book. Particularly in the chapter devoted to 'bigging up' oneself when we are asked to feel good about ourselves because we have "mastered" the use of a telephone (p. 128)!!! Yes, that really was a pat-on-the-back moment for me. Not. There are a few good things I can list about myself after reading this book, but using a telephone isn't one of them. I don't think I've ever felt satisfied by dialling a number correctly and managing not to hold the handset upside down.

I also like the way that another similar book, MIND OVER MOOD by Christine Padesky, was referenced on a number of occasions. On at least four separate occasions Fennell mentioned or quoted Padesky. The two books complement each other well, though MOOD tackles depression specifically, and it was nice to know that I was building on things I'd already learnt. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can be used to tackle many emotional disorders, but it was nice to see it applied specifically to low self-esteem.

Overall, this is an interesting book and if I could overcome the distress of committing my thoughts to paper I'm sure I would have learnt a lot more from it. As it is, it DID make me feel better about myself and offered me a valuable insight into my thoughts and emotions.

2008-12-05

Maybe helpful for some...

I read the mixed reviews with interest, and personally agreed with the lower rated reviews, but do get the impression the book could really be helpful for some. I am a strong believer in CBT, but I think self-esteem has more 'touchy-feely' aspects that these CBT techniques, and this book could definitely do with some! In classical CBT style the book deals with acting and thinking (and therefore feeling) in ways that 'demonstrably' improve your self-esteem. The theory being when you see results you feel better about yourself creating a positive cycle. This is positive and sound advice, but what this book really lacked for me that some other reviewers also picked up on is some good old humanistic positive regard; repeated discussion about how each of us is unique and wonderful, and deserves to value ourselves, without thinking all of our actions are necessarily the best. Okay, so following the advice of achieving something and telling yourself so repeatedly will help, but sometimes what we need is to feed ourselves some positive genuine messages, irrespective of our actions. It seems a lot of us suffering deeply from lack of self esteem were never fed positive messages when we were young, and never learnt how to create a positive basis of this for ourselves, I don't think this book is going to help create this atmosphere of unconditional regard very easily. A discussion about how far-off what society appears to value also wouldn't go amiss (I agree it really didn't address common self-esteem issues such as weight or looks or suchlike in an engaging warm way). Plus - if you read any of the good CBT self-help books on depression you would have gotten all these techniques anyway, and perhaps in better format and easier-to-use way.

2008-10-25

A really helpful, life changing book

This book is based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which basically sets out to help you become aware of where you are thinking unrealistically (or just plain wrongly), and to replace these thoughts with helpful and more realistic ones.

I was really scared for a fair while that this book wouldn't help me, but actually it has, and loads. By about half-way through, I was daring to believe people actually loved me, I was approaching groups of people and joining in with the conversation, and being open about who I am - and starting to enjoy doing so, and not assuming everyone disliked me.

However, you need to know that this book is sometimes difficult to read, and to change will be hard. This is not a book that you "read". This is a book where you read a section, then you have to do the exercise - sometimes daily, for a couple of weeks - more like a "workbook". If you read this book cover-to-cover, it will have little discernable effect on your life. However, if you put the time in, you will notice real changes fairly soon.

I have to confess by being really confused and a little upset for some of the people who gave this very negative reviews - it doesn't advocate simplistically thinking "positively" in the face of all the evidence. To the contrary, it helps you set up experiements to discover what the truth actually is, and what you can do about it, and helps you examine the evidence from your experiments in a more rational way.

Finally, you can only do this if you *want* to change - yes, this book is aobut changing quite fundamental thoughts you may have about yourself, which you may have clung to for years like a safety blanket and not want to believe actually aren't true. And it will be hard! However, for me it's been really worthwhile. Good luck!!
2008-08-07

Really helpful book

I have really enjoyed reading this book. Having suffered with several anxiety disorders over the years I decided to look at the cause rather than the symptoms. I have read many self help books but this is the only one that has had a significant effect. I think maybe some readers have missed the point of the book, it is really about accepting yourself, flaws and all, but also trying to focus on the positive rather than negative, obviously this isn't an easy task but this book sets you on the right track. Personally to me self esteem is all about acceptance, it's not about doing things perfectly, or looking a certain way, or even relying on other people to boost it - that's why I'm a bit confused over some of the other reviews. There are lots of different tasks to follow to help you understand your thinking patterns etc., and the author does explain at length the reason for undertaking each one. All in all I would say this is a really useful book if you suffer with self esteem issues. My only complaint would be that although she gives us several examples of people with low self esteem at the beginning, she does seem to focus on the same person throughout the majority of the book. It would have been nice to see different examples throughout.
2008-05-09

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